Whew... Overwhelmed in this place

Today was the second day of teacher in-service. I am still learning what in-service is, but I think its basically a lot of information geared to get the teacher ready for school in a short amount of time.

While it is all good information and I am so extremely thankful for this job and the students I teach this year, I.am.overwhelmed!

My brain feels a little exhausted and I can't quite wrap my mind around tasks that need to be done- like lesson planning and completing eight hours on pre-service classes and professional development classes online... Oh and I am still working towards getting certified with the state- more online classes.

This month may actually break me of my internet addiction. I am actually cutting down my excessive facebook time because I cannot stare at the computer any longer.

There is a silver lining to each cloud afterall!

Today I was so extremely blessed by my mentor teacher- who patiently and lovingly answered my many questions and walked me through the schedule and curriculum. I learned more about the incredible vision this school has and was shaken again by what an incredible privilege it is to work at a school that teaches students to be excellent in life.

And I got a bulletin board done! Happy Dance!

Now Hank is cutting out game pieces and various paper that needs to be laminated and I am just so thankful for the sleep that I will get tonight.

With that- fairwell and sweet dreams all!

Rested and Ready

        It was perfect timing really. I couldn't have seen it coming and was still complaining just before it came. But in the midst of a job I struggled in and as the doors swung wide for me to be certified as a teacher, it came. An interview I thought would happen five months ago and I longed for job offer.
     And I can see it now, mostly, that His timing was perfect through and through. That if this had come sooner, I wouldn't have learned those hard lessons- about putting forth hard effort when I am mostly frustrated, about trusting the Lord when I am doing filing rather than saving the world. And teaching, well I would have taken it for granted. Just as I did when I taught in Asia.

Taken in Seattle last Summer. So thankful for new seasons, fresh starts and the waves of His Mercy.

      And now it is a great gift. The pleasure of teaching, laughing with those students, seeing the joy of learning creep across faces and feeling his pleasure as I teach. It is so good.
       Next year I will be teaching four year olds at a small school. It isn't glorious but it is good. I am a little terrified but so thankful. He has provided me with just what I asked for- a job working with kids, not far from home. And more than I asked for- a teacher to work with and learn from who will help me along in this new path. And more- a chance to get certified! I look back in amazement at all the doors he opened while I continued to complain. I can be pretty ungrateful and blind at times.

    But now I am oh so thankful and oh so excited. It is small really, but I see the bigness in it. The great task of teaching young ones and building up a strong foundation of His Love, His mercy, His Word. And I checking out stacks of books on parenting youngsters and the young mind. It feels like a crash course in four year olds. And I never knew I would draw so much from babysitting experience but when it is all you got...

    So here we are, once again, thankful. Perhaps one day I will learn to be thankful even when I can't see what he is doing.


Please feel free to post some advice for working with four year olds. Thanks!

Canticles

Funny how I can pray in the morning for the Lord to fill my day and then go the next eight hours without even a wink in his direction. I get frustrated and tired and I keep thinking that there is some secret cure for my ADGD (Attention Deficit for God Disorder). I am not sure there is a secret cure but I discovered something this week.

   I finally downloaded a message from one of my favorite churches. The lady speaking talked about how she  found the habit of daily praise. She was at a conference and the speaker would stop randomly and say 'Praise the Lord,' or 'Alleluia." She thought it was pretty weird until the speaker explained that she had an invisible clock strapped to her waist that would vibrate and remind her to worship God every 10 minutes. 

Ingenious!

While I haven't gone out and purchased my little waist watch, I told Hank about it and we have started to remind eachother. He randomly said "God is Good" a few days ago and I looked at him funny. Well yes He is but what brought that up?? He told me he was trying to learn to worship. 

So I went outside today to eat lunch and watch the storm clouds gather over the city and He brought me all kinds of reminders of His presence. Birds flew up into the trees right near where I sat and they sang and perched proud of their beauty. 

And He brought rain- something that makes my heart glad. 

And in the midst of the sporadic worshiping (because I do still forget a lot), he is changing me. This job I struggled to have a good attitude in, he is giving me JOY. The impatience I tend to have with people, He is giving me Love. The dissatisfaction I sometimes feel with life, He is reminding me that He works all things together for GOOD. 

So Praise him. In canticles and car problems and hope and in heartbreak. 

Little Dreams Big

I used to want to be an actor. When I was nine. And I was so angry when my parents encouraged me to maybe find something a little less outlandish. So I decided to be a missionary. Or more- God gave me a deep-rooted desire sown in my heart under a starry sky in Mexico. And oh how that desire guided me for so long. It even became my identity.

In America we ask people what they do. It is one of the first questions of small talk and it creates a suddle pressure to have a good answer. What do you do? Oh I am just finding the cure for cancer while volunteering at the local food bank and teaching Sunday school and raising the next Bill Gates.

I was always so proud of my answer. It became a large part of my identity. So much so that I contemplated very seriously breaking up with Hank due to his 'lack of a calling.' It sounds horrible and it is, but my passion for missions had consumed me to an unhealthy degree. I didn't know who I was without it.

Last year I lived my dream. It was amazing. I got to teach ESL, live in a foreign country with some of the most beautiful people I have ever met and share the Love of the Lord with some of the coolest students-become-friends ever. And yet, part of my pined away for my sweetheart. I thought life would be perfect if we could one day get married and then live the dream overseas.

It is still a deep desire and I still think it would be pretty awesome.

But why is it that I am never quite content where I am? Why is it that I always want the next stage to come on and get here?

I have a job and a husband and a house and a garden. But I hate the job most days and neglect to clean the house or water the garden. I praise God for both in the morning light but when they start to need some TLC, I offer it only begrudgingly. Sometimes I do the same with my husband. He gets the dregs left over from a day of helping people who rarely say thanks.

And i think that maybe if we could just live overseas, I would find more fulfilment in my work and have energy to clean and love and more of a burn to worship and grow.

My goodness I must have a short memory. Because I never felt like cleaning last year and would regularly procrastinate on lesson plans and when there were over 200 students to love, I often felt discouraged and empty and frustrated. I often bemoaned all the aspects of the culture I didn't agree with or couldn't even begin to understand.

No, there is no perfect place. There is no perfect phase of life.

But there are gifts for the taking today. There was a beautiful woodpecker to watch at the park and several hours just to sip too-sweet coffee and work on lesson plans at the coffee shop. There were resources to use to teach refugees the alphabet and there was rest and energy. There was a long overdue visit with my best friend and her adorable family and hours to just talk and explore other-worldly parks lit with fireflies and legends.

There were conversations with beautiful grandmothers and a beautiful mom and there was time to burrow deep into the Word for rest and healing and hope. And there is God's never-failing and never-changing character and the compassion, mercy, love, and kindness he shows me daily.

And I am going to keep dreaming big but perhaps I will keep my small dreams bigger. I will rejoice over clean laundry and the tasks that get checked on the daily list. And I will rejoice over what I can't see yet and the promise that the future will be good, hard but good, and that I do not go alone.

Providence

Yesterday morning I got in my car around 8:24 prepared to rush off to work. Twenty minutes earlier, while trying to make my lunch, I spilled nearly the whole bowl of quinoa and black bean salad I had made the night before. My nerves were tense and I had already run inside a few times to grab various items I had forgotten. With little thought, I plunged my key into the ignition with all the force of my anxious impatience and cranked the engine. It turned and then nothing happened.

 Just like that I was car-less, anxious and in a hurry. Can you spell d.i.s.a.s.t.e.r.? Hank and I hurriedly moved my stuff to his car and off I went. On the way to work my mind was moving almost as fast as my tires. I was stressing out about how much it would cost and whether I would be late to work when I just sort of stopped and realized how futile and silly my train of thought was.

First of all, I had so much to be thankful for. The car could have stopped working the day before or the day after when Hank had to use his car for work. As it was, he was working from home Friday and didn't need it. Second, we have been taking a Dave Ramsey course at a local church and just got our $1000 emergency fund finished. We know where the money will come from to fix my car. I finally know what financial peace feels like. God is good and his timing is not lost on me.

Thirdly, Hank and I are taking Monday off to go to the local stockshow and rodea and were going to work today (Sat) to make up for it. Fortunately, I was able to call my boss last night and he was able to go to work with his vehicle while I basked in the beginning of a needed three day weekend.

Hank flew to Brenam this morning and I am slightly jealous of the hamburger he had for lunch. We have been doing a cleanse this week and cutting out certain (MOST) foods in order to get our bodies in check. It has been good and I find I am enjoying the benefits of eating uber healthy, but MAN, Sometimes I just need chocolate! More on the Cleanse later.


Peace.