22. A fantastic and wonderful and handsome husband who wakes me up with a kiss in the morning even if he's running out the door for work.
23. Relationships blossoming at work, starting to feel more comfortable.
24. People who make me laugh- like my black coworker who said I had "Some Sister" inside of me. I always knew I was an uh oh oreo...
25. Trips up to Arkansas to see my beautiful sisters and wonderful family.
26. Gorgeous East Texas sunsets and walks in the neighborhood breathing in the crisp evening air.
27. Potato chowder and Pasta salads... YUMMY!
28. A gloriously messy house and a house to make messy
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
And I am learning to feast on the Bread
Lately I have noticed just how shallow my prayers have gotten. Perhaps it was the Sunday school lesson and sermon that mentioned praying to God as if we were rubbing the genie's lamp: Grant me this and give me that. Heal this person and provide all I need. Perhaps it is noticing that when something really hard happens I don't know how to pray. I pray for my needs but when I need to pray for someone else and their problems I am stuck feeling a bit awkward. I have words but they are the same I have heard far too long repeated in prayers- a hedge of protection, angels to guard us home, this food to the nourishment of our body.
And it is when I hear myself pray that I realize how cheesy and insincere it all sounds. It is when I must labor in prayer for the urgent needs of my loved ones that I find my endurance is short when it comes to praying.
Today I read John 6 on this journey through John. I came in contact with my Jesus in a new way.
Jesus is followed by a large crowd "because they saw the signs that he was doing on the sick." They were seeking a sign, a wonder, a sensation, a high. My husband and I talked about that need yesterday. It has been a while since we experienced a spiritual high. We long for it and desire it but then we look back and find that we have been learning a lot these past weeks. We have learned this month to settle into the routine of marriage and to communicate with eachother and to love daily even when it is a choice. We have learned to speak eachother's love language and to seek the best for the other person. We are still learning because it takes time but looking back this month has been pretty amazing.
Yet part of us still seeks that emotional high we get when the worship is just right and the lights are dim and we have arms raised and voices crying out. Part of us still wants that temporary high even when our lives are living the worship that never stops.
In John 6, Jesus does a few incredible things. He tests Phillip by asking "where are we to buy bread so that these people can eat?' He knew what he would do but his disciple saw the physical and it seemed like an impossible question.
With five loaves and two fish he proceeded to give thanks and feed more that 5,000 people. The people proceeded to try and take him by force and make him king.
How often have I been just like the crowd? I see only my physical needs and when Jesus answers them I am transfixed and gratified until another need pops up. Then I am back again praying for my needs to be filled.
I see the prayer as a quick fix. My hand is upon the lamp and I am trying to rub it in just the right way, trying to pray in just the right manner.
Fortunately, Jesus knows not to give me just what I want. He saw that his death was needed in order that the crowd may have the Bread of Life. "Do not labor for the food that perishes but for the food that endures to eternal life which the Son of Man will give to you." (vs. 27) Sometimes what I want is not what I need but in his patience he answers my needs and immediate questions in order to lead me closer to asking the questions that lead to true healing and deeper communion with him. Oh that I would pray with the Bread of Life in mind, knowing that my Father sacrificed much so that I would have communion with the Son...
And it is when I hear myself pray that I realize how cheesy and insincere it all sounds. It is when I must labor in prayer for the urgent needs of my loved ones that I find my endurance is short when it comes to praying.
Today I read John 6 on this journey through John. I came in contact with my Jesus in a new way.
Jesus is followed by a large crowd "because they saw the signs that he was doing on the sick." They were seeking a sign, a wonder, a sensation, a high. My husband and I talked about that need yesterday. It has been a while since we experienced a spiritual high. We long for it and desire it but then we look back and find that we have been learning a lot these past weeks. We have learned this month to settle into the routine of marriage and to communicate with eachother and to love daily even when it is a choice. We have learned to speak eachother's love language and to seek the best for the other person. We are still learning because it takes time but looking back this month has been pretty amazing.
Yet part of us still seeks that emotional high we get when the worship is just right and the lights are dim and we have arms raised and voices crying out. Part of us still wants that temporary high even when our lives are living the worship that never stops.
In John 6, Jesus does a few incredible things. He tests Phillip by asking "where are we to buy bread so that these people can eat?' He knew what he would do but his disciple saw the physical and it seemed like an impossible question.
With five loaves and two fish he proceeded to give thanks and feed more that 5,000 people. The people proceeded to try and take him by force and make him king.
How often have I been just like the crowd? I see only my physical needs and when Jesus answers them I am transfixed and gratified until another need pops up. Then I am back again praying for my needs to be filled.
I see the prayer as a quick fix. My hand is upon the lamp and I am trying to rub it in just the right way, trying to pray in just the right manner.
Fortunately, Jesus knows not to give me just what I want. He saw that his death was needed in order that the crowd may have the Bread of Life. "Do not labor for the food that perishes but for the food that endures to eternal life which the Son of Man will give to you." (vs. 27) Sometimes what I want is not what I need but in his patience he answers my needs and immediate questions in order to lead me closer to asking the questions that lead to true healing and deeper communion with him. Oh that I would pray with the Bread of Life in mind, knowing that my Father sacrificed much so that I would have communion with the Son...
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