Canticles

Funny how I can pray in the morning for the Lord to fill my day and then go the next eight hours without even a wink in his direction. I get frustrated and tired and I keep thinking that there is some secret cure for my ADGD (Attention Deficit for God Disorder). I am not sure there is a secret cure but I discovered something this week.

   I finally downloaded a message from one of my favorite churches. The lady speaking talked about how she  found the habit of daily praise. She was at a conference and the speaker would stop randomly and say 'Praise the Lord,' or 'Alleluia." She thought it was pretty weird until the speaker explained that she had an invisible clock strapped to her waist that would vibrate and remind her to worship God every 10 minutes. 

Ingenious!

While I haven't gone out and purchased my little waist watch, I told Hank about it and we have started to remind eachother. He randomly said "God is Good" a few days ago and I looked at him funny. Well yes He is but what brought that up?? He told me he was trying to learn to worship. 

So I went outside today to eat lunch and watch the storm clouds gather over the city and He brought me all kinds of reminders of His presence. Birds flew up into the trees right near where I sat and they sang and perched proud of their beauty. 

And He brought rain- something that makes my heart glad. 

And in the midst of the sporadic worshiping (because I do still forget a lot), he is changing me. This job I struggled to have a good attitude in, he is giving me JOY. The impatience I tend to have with people, He is giving me Love. The dissatisfaction I sometimes feel with life, He is reminding me that He works all things together for GOOD. 

So Praise him. In canticles and car problems and hope and in heartbreak. 

It is for Freedom....

   Oh honey. Isn't it hard to break off the chains that somehow get tangled around our ankles as we walk through these life paths? Isn't it hard to shake the nippy dogs of sin that bite our ankles and bark away our peaceful pace?
    
 Oh yes, we know now it is hard. We know that what one does directly affects the other because we, dear, are oh so connected. Connected in an invisible, all consuming sort of way. And sometimes it is hard to feel the connection, to appreciate the union until its strained and torn and then there is only pain. Only pain to wade through as it threatens to choke out the hope and life and joy we have here.
   
 And it isn't a coincidence that we both read Love and War last year when I was in Asia. And it isn't a coincidence that we learned of the war raging against marriage. That the Eldridges spoke truth to us once again of fighting off the lies and breaking the agreements we so readily make with our enemy.
   
Of praying for one another when all we really want to do is give up, run, stay angry, hide inside our frustration and the pain that binds us.

    But we are learning. And it isn't one of those lessons that we can listen to and leave in the pew. Because we are finding out that our guard must always be up. That Satan is not interested in a one-time victory but in demoralizing us and turning us slowly against one another.

   And so we fight. We take up the armor you recite over yourself daily- the Ephesians 6 battle gear. And we make new choices and break off old habits and make new ones. Like the habit we have established of asking eachother what lies we believed that day. And as you ask I find that more sneak in than I could have imagined.

  And as I share the lies- that I am not as good as that person, not as pretty, not worthy of God's best etc. etc. etc., you speak truth and it flows into the broken places as healing salve. And you remind me that I am loved, that we are in this together, that we will have bad days but ultimately- God has our best in mind.

    Darling, it is an honor to fight for you, with you, to be your ezer kenegbo. Your partner, the one who was created out of your side because I am to stand by your side. We are a perfect match and the enemy is no match for our King.

He always knows what I need

*Update on the job search: I have applied to over 19 jobs in various fields. Still seeking which way I should go in the search. Have an appointment tomorrow to speak to someone about teaching ESL. Please pray!

   Today was one of those days where I had to choose to keep going, choose to have a good attitude, choose to believe in the seemingly impossible. It was one of those days when I heard so many lies I had to sing truth back into my marrow in order to just stay grounded. 

how I feel after all these job applications 

 

(photo of Hank and I at the Grand Canyon)

   This job searching is harder than I thought it would be. I was naive in believing a college degree would guarantee a job I loved. Well, I still believe that job is out there but I am learning a bit about adulthood and the tenacity needed to press through times like this where no's are more common that yes's.
 
     Funny though how Jesus knows exactly how I am feeling and what I need. In a particularly low moment this afternoon, Hank called me with fresh excitement in his voice. He had a new idea for me and couldn't wait to share it. This morning in the shower (great place to think right?), he had what he called an epiphany. He got this idea to start a blog/website/online community to help encourage and fan the flames of passion for marriage. So, that is what we are planning now. What would that community look like? I am not sure but I am excited to discover it.
   
   Part of me worries that we are being rather presumptuous. We have only been married four months (as of yesterday-YAY!) and we are still technically newlyweds. What do we have to share with older couples who had weathered the storms much longer than we? Perhaps instead of telling them what we think we can gather their voices into one grand chorus in a place where others might come for encouragement and to seek truth.

     So my question for you is this: What would you include in an online marriage community? If you were building it, what features would you want it to have (such as advice, polls, scripture study, stories etc)?
Any ideas are greatly appreciated.

      We want to share the passion we have with the world. Hopefully in sharing we will be able to continue to  be as excited about marriage as we are now.