Birthing Trust Babies

   In college, as a resident assistant, I had a saying. Whenever conflicts occured, because they do when 21 girls live together in a relatively small space, I would simply say I was making peace babies. It was a challenging experience because conflict resolution isn't something I really enjoyed, but the result was always worth it. Kind of like birth... Never done it but I hear that the baby makes it worth all the pain.

    I think I am spiritually preggo. I am feeling the need to be stretched, a bit uncomfortable, a bit out of my element.
  
   Control is something I like to have. It is uncomfortable to fathom not having any control over my situation, my surroundings or my future. These past few weeks I have filled out more job applications than I care to count. And recently I have gotten very very antsy and frustrated. I have no control over what happens with those applications. They could get skipped over. They could get thrown away or I could get a job. I have a measure of control over how many I fill out and the quality of my resume, but I can't guarantee a job with either one.

      I guess I have to trust. It is funny how I thought I was good at trusting until something bad happened, until I couldn't get a job and until we found we needed me to have one fairly soon. Now I am realizing how bad I am at trusting Jesus.

      I have heard it said that the best prayer is simply, "Help me!"
When I finally realize how much I need Jesus, then I actually start listening. This process hasn't been fun as I seek a job but if it births a trust baby in me, if it teaches me to listen to Jesus a little better and to stay on my knees even when things are going smoothly, then it is all worth it.